Once you see it, you cannot unsee it
June 1st is Narcissistic abuse awareness day and I am posting this video a few days later, but better late than never.
To consume this content in video format, click here
https://youtu.be/_EhH221wbl8
Narcissism is a bothersome issue that we are all vulnerable to. Since emotional Intelligence and Adversity Quotient are imperative for a successful life, talking about Narcissists will help us gain clarity.
Answer the following questions in your mind.
2. Are you anxious or depressed mostly?
3. Do you feel you can do nothing right?
4. Are you disappointed with life?
If you answered yes to all the questions, there probably is a narcissist controlling your thought and action and breaking you down. But they do so with such finesse you might not even realise it, in fact you’ll be of the strong opinion that they are the best thing to ever happen to you. During a particularly turbulent phase in my life, a psychologist assured that there is nothing wrong with me but I am just being manipulated by someone with narcissistic personality disorder or NPD. As I educated myself about this, I realised that Narcissists are everywhere. Regardless of gender, ethnicity and socio-economic status, they all have a uniform pattern of abuse and manipulation. Their emotional construct or moral conduct is a culture in itself that once you see it, you cannot unsee it.
By definition, a narcissist is a person obsessed with a grandiose self-image; they assume superiority over their contemporaries, feel entitled to privileges they may not be deserving of and have the constant need for admiration. Majority of us have been slightly narcissistic at some phase in life, the difference between us and the narc is that they belittle others around them in order to feel on top. Devaluing fellowmen is an unethical method to get ahead in the rat race, for competitive folks this is a mean to an end, for narcs this is the end. Race or no race, they feel compelled to constantly put someone down, that is their oxygen. Nobody will continue to hang out with a person who is downright rude to them, right? So, they project themselves as charming, successful, reliable and perfect to a fault to gain the trust of people and choose only one out of a gang to manipulate secretively and sometimes openly. They are well aware that what they do is wrong but they want to do it anyway, of course, with an escape strategy.
To elaborate, they look at a gathering of colleagues or acquaintances and fix a brilliant but gullible person as their target. They know that nobody would approve of the toxicity they plan to hurl on them and may have to face consequences. So, as they impress and earn everyone’s trust they will also influence crowd’s opinion of their target to a negative effect. Both the victim and the crowd are oblivious to this. In the rare case of a smart victim trying to expose the farce, the crowd that is already programmed to support the narc will disregard the victim’s claims and may even call him/ her crazy. Most of the time the abuse is sandwiched in sweet gestures that the victim swallows in quiet confusion; any further resistance is doused by gaslighting. We might have seen it in the movies, but it is tough to identify it in real life and when we do, we are already neck deep in trouble.
When the abuser is a boss, teacher, client or friend it is relatively easier to escape but when it is a family member – a sibling, spouse or parent; the experience is akin to lifetime imprisonment, the excruciating lack of trust and sincerity is tragic. German novelist Franz Kafka who suffered a strained relationship with his Narcissistic father, wrote a sad 47 pages letter to his father but never had the courage to give it to him, fearing the drama that would follow.
This is an ailment of the conscience; it can be treated only if the ailing wills it to happen. Usually they don’t, because narcissism is the only character they have cultivated throughout their life, they don’t know how else to be. Awareness about the disorder will help us from falling into toxic traps; we can also look through the veil and offer support to the right person. We all deserve to live our lives to the fullest potential, with a healthy self-esteem.
This article is written for the purpose of awareness. Hence, it is only a speck on the tip of the iceberg. To know more about Narcissism and Narcissists, check out the links below:
World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day, June 1st
Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a Licensed Psychiatrist and an Encyclopedia on Narcissism. She tells you everything you ever need to know about the topic.
https://youtube.com/c/DoctorRamani
Excerpts of Franz Kafka's letter to his father
https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/03/05/franz-kafka-letter-father/
What is Gaslighting?
#narcissism #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissist #ifmywoundswerevisible
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