Homework during the Pandemic

The pandemic and lockdown  pushed us into an alternate lifestyle that we wouldn't have thought of in our wildest imagination, one peculiar aspect of that was the online classes. The following article sums up my experience with my son and his homework in the times of Covid 19.  I spoke this in a Humorous Speech Contest on October 2020 and won the 2nd place.

Do any of you know what Devwahrphobia is? It is the fear/ aversion towards homework.

I’m a devwahrphobic and was averse to the conventional methods of schooling. All the rote learning, class work and homework devoured my happiness. I’d tell mother, “I know I’m a genius, I don’t have to prove it to anyone. Einstein was a school dropout for God’s sake!” And she’d furiously say, “The only similarity between you and him is the hairstyle! Silly girl. You are so privileged; you won’t understand the pain of those who can’t go to school”. Every day was an ordeal.

But do you know what is worse than doing your homework?

It is getting your son to do his home work. Thanks to genetics, my son is exactly like me.

One day, just like always, our homework routine started with me dragging my hyperactive 9 year old by his feet and planting him on his chair. We started with the lesson,

Me: "Life of Plants’.... Plants need air, sunlight and water to live"

Son: “Ma, I’m thirsty, I want a water break”

Me: “Oh we just started studying... (sigh)alright”

He came back sauntering after 5 minutes and we continued,

Me: ‘Plants take in carbon di oxide and give out oxygen ‘

Son: “Ma, I need to go number 1”

If he has taken in water, he has to give out something!

Me: “Already? Quickly”

10 minutes later I went to check on him, he was still seated firmly on the potty. He flashed an impish grin and said, “Actually Ma...... I thought I’ll finish off everything once and for all, so I’m working on number two now”

How generous, he gives back more than what he takes. I continued when he returned

Me: “ Photosynthesis is the process of plants making their own food”

Son: “Ma....... my belly is aching....... is there anything to eat?”

Now, I know this little brat is playing me but he hit the nail in the right spot. After all, what is an Indian mother if she doesn’t stuff her child to the nose with food? We put away our books and I Photosynthesized a meal for him.

God must have enjoyed watching this drama, and just for fun........he created online classes. As if ‘work from home’ had not caused enough burnout, I now had to manage ‘learn from home’. That’s a deadly double whammy!

Online classes, for us mothers, are nothing but a crash course on becoming a life coach. We start our day by motivating our children to attend classes, sit with them throughout the session to clarify doubts and provide counselling whenever they feel discouraged....... all this , along with the usual homework regimen.

     One morning, we were well motivated and ready for class. 1 + 2 was already taken care of; the side table had a big bottle of water and 3 types of snacks, just in case. With sharp pencils and sharper focus, we couldn’t wait to learn and conquer the world. Fifteen minutes into the class, just when I was beginning to feel accomplished, my computer crashed.

That evening, I had to call up one of the mothers to ask about the day’s homework. I was already overworked, underpaid and dizzy; so what she said sounded something like this.....

Mother: “Yes dear, we have to write a 1000 words essay on Paradise Lost, solve 5 problems in calculus and finish 20 pages of handwriting. The rocket science project is due on Friday, but my girl has already finished it and is ready to fly to Mars...........”

 “......... by the way, how much has your son completed?”

Me: “Hello.... you’re not audible..... Your voice is......krr.... ping!" 

I make an artificial krr sound and hang up.

Oh – My – God! That just gave me a Massive PMS! Every mother in the world is a Tiger Mom, except me. Every child is the class topper, except mine. At this rate, we’ll be the biggest losers. No way!”

I was frantically searching for my son and my morale but found only my boy digging the dirt in the garden. I said,” Vaibhav, come on, let’s do your homework....right away!”

 He said, ever so leisurely,“ Hm! Let me see, Homework is just ‘Half – Of – My – Energy – Wasted – On – Random – Knowledge’. Not today ma, I’m quite exhausted.”

 “Exhausted?! What did you do? You don’t cook. You don’t wash. You don’t work or pay bills. All you do is sit around”

 “Because all I can do is just sit around. I can’t play outside; I can’t chat with my teachers. I can’t share lunch or hang out with friends. Did you go through all this as a child? You were so privileged. You’ll never understand the pain of those who can’t go to school!”

He was right. Schools, more than anything, are a community for children. While this pandemic has been hard on everyone, it is more so with the kids.

Just then, I noticed the beautiful sapling that sprouted from the seed he had sown last week. He had ploughed the soil and watered it all this while. Sure, the boy is not academically inclined, but his penchant to learn and apply is the quintessential quality of a student.

  If the challenge in the pandemic is to be alive and sane, I might as well do it with grace. If I have turned out fine with my phobia, so will my son. Until then,

Keep calm and turn off the camera!