Cooking Women

 The following is my article about the topic that I first published in my blog named 'thulasicommonknowledge' a couple of years ago. That blog is no longer functioning. You can find it's contents here in Hridayakamala blogspot.Skip to content

There is a joke that has been making the rounds in the social media which goes,           “ Gone are the days when girls  used to cook like their mothers, now they drink like their fathers”. This has gotten mixed reactions from the people I see, some point out how culture and traditions are on the decline, some see this as a misogynist  attempt to assign gender roles, some just laugh it off.  But as an observer  who has lived in the days of technology free homes, I only see this as the plain truth. Let me clarify that I am not talking about the morality of a Woman, but only about how the Kitchens and the food prepared at home  are not revered as they used to be in the times of our grandmothers and earlier.

I have heard my uncles fondly recalling their childhood breakfast memories, where all the six siblings would sit together in the kitchen and my grandmother served them porridge of rice/barley with raw onions and green chilies (this humble traditional breakfast was later considered as poor man’s food but recent research writes volumes of its goodness and nutrition). All the siblings made sure they were present during mealtimes or they would have to go hungry as there won’t be any food left. He also says that mothers of their times never had  to chase or cajole their children to eat, all they did was put food on the table and it was up to the child whether he filled his stomach or no, and they always did. As a working mother of a five year old, as a wife of a foodie husband, all those recollections sounded like a fairy tale. Now, I am a good cook, I have a natural liking to cook for my family but this liking is not consistent. Many a times I just prepare some instant foods and snacks( knowing full well that they are not the healthiest food I want to give my family) or order out. Just the thought of what to cook for the next meal is exhausting and queries like “what are you making for dinner?”  , accompanied with wide eyed excitement simply drives me nuts. And this is not just me, almost all women today can relate to this.

So, why is this?  Why can’t women cook like their mothers or grandmothers? Let’s dive deeper. The following reasons are all interconnected and they all happened simultaneously over a period of time, hence they are not arranged in any particular order.

Simple Cooking

        Simple cooking was an advantage the women of the yore enjoyed. Daily cooking was much simpler, people ate what was available, well cooked and had sufficient salt in it e.g. pazhaya saadham, kammanjoru, kazhis , butter milk, etc.  These items either required less effort in cooking or small quantities of them satisfied large appetites or remained edible for a couple of days. Fruits and certain vegetables that could be eaten raw were essential part of their diet.  The regular foods that we eat today like idli, dosai, sambar, meals etc. were considered fancy and were cooked only on special occasions.

Hotels, Restaurants and Eateries

There was a time when anything that a person ever ate was cooked at home, usually by a woman (of course also men who liked to cook). Mother, wife, aunts, sisters, friend’s sisters, friend’s mother, mother in law, sisters in law etc. Cooks were hired only during weddings or by the elite , even then the ladies would oversee the cooking. This placed immense importance in the role of a woman in the family.

With the economic development and coming of Hotels, Restaurants and Eateries which changed the way people got together to celebrate and introduced new exotic cuisines from around the world that our women at home had no clue of how to prepare, there started a slow shift of importance from our women to these institutions*. Of course, women have caught up with it and can cook everything that restaurants offer but the point is people no more consider home cooking as the only way. Over the years, there is only an increase in eat outs, take aways and deliveries and that is proof to it.

*power in this context is not used to imply dominance but as a revered and essential  tool that women use to yoke , pacify and console any member of the family and keep it tight knit.

Larger Houses

    The larger and modernized the house, the more distance there was between the kitchen and the dining hall. The kitchen had become a certain kind of a sweat shop where the lady used to work and as the rest of the family didn’t  have any work to do in there**, they usually preferred to stay in the dining hall and eat. Recent day homes have open kitchens but the plans made for the houses in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s had both of them separate. So, as the designs changed so did the movement of the members in it. This created a physical gap between the Mother and the rest of the family.

** Education had become more important and competitive for children as compared to earlier times not giving them much time to help in kitchen. Providing kitchen appliances and groceries were usually the only help that the husband offered.

Cooking Appliances

The gas stove, wet grinder and mixer were the first of cooking appliances to enter our kitchens.  This brought about a sea change in the way women cooked, they no more had to slog with the hand mills, grinders and pounds or cough and sweat with the firewood. They could cook larger quantities of food quickly and easily and also manage to look prim. With good planning and execution in the kitchen, it allowed the women to make ample time for an 8 hour office job and bring home more money/ spend time with their children’s homework and knead them to get higher grades. Every modern Indian middle class woman took pride in whipping up a fancy meal 3 times a day with her new age cookware and appliances  like the pressure cooker, mixer grinder, wet grinder, roti maker and refrigerator . This however, also worked to her disadvantage as in:-

What was once considered fancy food was then easily available and became regular food, various cuisines had found their way into our kitchens. The family was now more demanding and choosy about what they wanted to eat. To satisfy the whims of the family while also working an 8 hour shift/ helping your child with studies ( the competition in studies had become tougher than ever), competing with eateries and instant foods, coping up with neglect was all weighing heavily on them.  A good reason for them to drink like their fathers .

 

 Television/ Smartphones

In recent days, it is the smartphones that command our implicit attention but the first piece of technology that diverted all our attention away from eating was and is the Television. To be more precise it was with the coming of cable TV.  We all liked to watch songs, movies, soaps and cricket matches as we ate, while we gave feedback when the food was exceptionally good or bad we barely made any eye contact with our mothers or answered them promptly when they asked if we would like a second helping. What seems like harmless entertainment for us was actually thanklessness and contempt to the care and effort that was put to bring food onto the table( it didn’t feel that way till the time it happened to me).  This distanced the younger generation further away from their mothers.

What also happened was, the ladies whose efforts were increasingly disregarded started looking for self-gratification in that very same television. They were slowly getting addicted to the TV soaps which were mainly made to capture the women audiences especially the housewives by talking about the issues they face in the society. The more they spent time on watching soaps, sympathizing with the sorry characters like themselves the lesser they cared to attend to the family waiting for dinner.

Instant Foods

Instant Noodles are the life savers of hostelites. I vividly remember those late night hunger pangs when we were wallowing in the assignment swamp. It satiates our hunger, is delicious and all we needed to do was pour hot water from the water dispenser into it. What made it an instant hit among people of all walks is that it’s easy to carry around, easier to make and one doesn’t have to worry about it spoiling as it is prepared only at the time of immediate consumption, also the MSG has us addicted to it. The wide range of instant foods such as noodles, soups and all sorts of precooked food is used by students, tourists, homemakers and indigenous cafes that experiment and whip up variations of our good old noodles. But the fact remains that these foods can never match real food prepared in traditional methods in terms of nutrition (strangely, that doesn’t seem to bother us much).

While my grandmother would be happy to remain hungry than eat such foods, I admit to using it for the convenience that comes with the package. It’s interesting to note that there is an emotional connect with a certain instant noodle brand for the later generations that largely influences our choices and keep us loyal to it. It was the first exotic MSG snack we ever sunk our teeth into. It was also the first beginner friendly dish we ever prepared, it tasted good every time we made it and that gave us a sense of accomplishment and independence.  It was always and only available hot, now what doesn’t soothe a troubled heart than a hot bowl of broth.

Diminution of Joint Families

The right atmosphere is imperative for any practice to thrive. I have witnessed and also heard stories from my mother, aunts, grandmothers and other relatives about their kitchen experiences in joint families.  How the daughter in laws compete for appreciation, how one learnt techniques, tips and tricks from the other, how the women enjoyed the harmony they had within them while cooking, their culinary mistakes and how one helped them with the remedy etc. Irrespective of the differences and similarities that the women had, cooking really mattered to them and there was always immense importance given to the kitchen and what happened in it.  They functioned as one unit which made work enjoyable and also created a glorious atmosphere for the young girls of the family to effortlessly learn and cherish cooking. With the diminution of joint families for whatever reasons we have also lost an important institution that educated us in various life skills, kitchen science being one of it.

 

Haphazard Schedules

Long working hours, offices/colleges/schools in faraway places, heavy road traffic, tuitions and co-curricular activities for children have all made it difficult for the family to sit together  and share a mindful meal, especially so in big cities. Breakfasts are usually quick gobbling of the food in a preoccupied state of mind and dinners are usually in front of the TV / smartphone.

Most of us must’ve tried ways to handle these issues, I keep trying despite the inconsistencies in the combined efforts of the family. Clearly, it is not an easy target to achieve especially if you want to keep up with the changing times. But the point here is to always be aware of what is best for us in all levels(physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual) so that we can eventually make changes to live well and guide the coming generations of what really matters and how blissful life can be.

P.S. There are always exceptions to everything, If you think you and your family are an exception to these factors, please share with us how you effectively tackle them. All kinds of comments and opinions about this article are welcome.

Courtesy: Painting of Cooking Woman by Ilayaraja, Oil on Canvas.